LOL vodka makes my job way less boring!
This year, the Black George Clooney is nominated for an Oscar, for his role in the movie Flight. Oh I’m sorry, Denzel Washington, not Clooney (hahaha racist.)
Like everyone else in the world, I can’t get enough of that dark chocolate named Denzel. Flight is a movie where Captain Denzel saves a bunch of people on an airplane by flying it upside down. Please don’t say I spoiled the movie for you because that shit is in the trailer.
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT JON? They take him to court because he may have been intoxicated when he did it. “But why does that matter he saved everyone on board, did he park it in a red zone?” NO. NO. NO. It’s because he’s a BLACK MAN. MOVIE LOGIC: White people get medals / black people get prison time.
Can’t we all just tip our hats to this guy? Shit, I can’t even walk up the stairs when I’m drunk. This fucker flew a plane upside down saving folk. Congrats on the nod, but fuck the Oscars.
Denzel is a guy whose name alone can sell a movie. Kind of like my homey Kush, who always has a name of a guy you know is holding. Names are good things to have, but when your name is Denzel and you’re in a crappy post-apocalyptic movie called Book of Eli (2010), I say, FUCK YOU. I paid not only for my ticket but my ex’s ticket, which after two years, due to inflation, is like spending 100 bucks. Needless to say I was disappointed and I came up with what I call the DENZEL LAW, which is simple: Wait for the DVD.
That being said, no I didn’t see Flight, but I know it’s not worth an Oscar nod. Denzel is, at this point, overrated. He needs to disappear and come back when the world needs a movie messiah.
“Drop your weapon and slowly back away from the shitty movie.”
If when I see the movie (which I plan to) and I’m wrong, I’ll apologize. Until then I’ll leave you with something my grandma told me when I was younger that I didn’t understand because it was in Spanish so I’ll paraphrase it: FUCK THE OSCARS.
– Jersey Jon
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The Angry Usher 